I have mixed feelings about everything lately.
It’s not very grown-up of me: of course any slice of time will be a microcosm of events that make up whole lives, but it still worries me a little.
We got married (exactly one month ago, actually), attended another wedding, and got to travel and sight-see like spoiled yuppie newlyweds. We got back to hear about a friend starting his awesome new job, and my sister moving into her first-ever house with her husband. The world was full of joy and good news and purring kittens.
Except that we also came back to hear about a friend whose family might be falling apart, and to news that while visiting the hometown, The Boy and I should give my parents a lift to the airport, as they’re flying to England for my grandmother’s funeral.
I am superstitiously waiting for the third Bad Thing to hit.
I’m not afraid to be happy, but I feel disrespectful of all the sad things going on as well when I focus on the good things instead.
The funeral is tomorrow (or probably in a couple hours, given the time difference) and I’m not sure what to think. It’s very sad, but I didn’t really know that grandmother; I think I only met her three or four times, the last of which she didn’t recognize me. I’m hopeful that she’s finally at rest, instead of wandering in a haze of strangers and half-memories.
I remember her face, and her hands, and remember her smiling a lot when she still knew who I was. She was chatty and warm-hearted, and I really regret not getting to know her.
Aside from that vague image of her though, mostly I’m thinking about my dad and his siblings, and hoping they’re okay, and that this isn’t coming at a bad time for them, hoping that they feel they got a chance to say goodbye. I’m trying to pull on calm, restful thoughts, and wishing for everyone to just… hang on, until some more peace and happiness seeps into the balance.
In the meantime, our cats seem to have banded together against my somewhat gloomy mood:
If it isn’t obvious, Cashew’s face is actually completely burrowed into Guinness’ Tummy Of Fluff. I’m not entirely sure how she was breathing.
I’m not ignoring the bad things around me, but since there’s not much I can do about them, I’m taking the time to appreciate and enjoy all the good things that are here as well.
I hope that’s okay.